Thoughts of a Dying...Introductor

Death and Taxes.

The two great certainties of our lives. Which are short. Not taxes, lives. The financial system that we are all integrated in as a result of uncounted generations of trade in the goods of the world is something i'd rather not explore. But Death is easier. Death is more simple. Taxes are scary, Death is terrifying. We all struggle to make peace with the eventuality of our lives ending. The finality of the event. Of ending.

To think of our mortal end invokes many questions.

How do we know when we no longer fear death? Does it ever stop? Don DeLillo thinks it doesn't. That it is part of life to worry. But how do we not worry? What should comfort us in the darkest part of the night, or in the most random event of the day. Do we feel secure in our achievements? Our goals accomplished and reflected upon. A part of me says I will one day.

But not today.

And that so profoundly frustrates me. Of having potential, however meager or grand that has not yet been realized simply due to the third great constraint of my life - time.

Fuck Time.

Time and timing rules my life and yet at the same time seems so distant from its involvement in me when I need it most. Time dictates our movements, it dictates our interactions and it dictates our Death.

To cheat death is to cheat time. If time could be harnessed then potential could be tapped. I would freeze or reverse time as I saw fit to ensure all that I wanted to do, or was required to do, could be done to the best of my ability. I would also be able to fit in all of the things I want to do with life before time runs out and Death catches up.

I have not made my peace with Death. I am Profoundly terrified of dying and not having experienced all that life has. And yet at the same time I am not scared of the act of Dying. Death is natural. We can't all live forever.

I will not make regular contributions, but I will write.

I will not apologize of quality or quantity of posts.

But I will write of my manifestations of the Fear of Death in multiple aspects of personality.